I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Randomize
