im gay
i know
yea but for you.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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