Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
