Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
i think i just lost a toe
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
