she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
