I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
