What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
