If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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