My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
