I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
