Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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