I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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