Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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