Please don't use social media to get back at me.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
