I hate all girls vehemently.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
