he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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