Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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