I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
