everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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