yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Say something about gay babies.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
