He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
