I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
