so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize