He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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