she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
