She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
