i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Watching her eat just hurts me
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
