is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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