I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
