Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
