The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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