So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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