also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
