U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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