I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
