its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
