Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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