i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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