Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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