weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize