I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
