Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
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