The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
