I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize