I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
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