i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
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