I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
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