Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
