you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
