You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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