the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
