Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
