Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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