you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I understand Curling. That high.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
