Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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