I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
