i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
