mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
