so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
It's no shave November. This is our time.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
