One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
