It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
pray to the hookup gods
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
