yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
