dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
