blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
