what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
if only i could text you this smell
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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