So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I think I won the penis lottery.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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