Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
