he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
