Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
