Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
