OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
