I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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