dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
