She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize