I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
