The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
