College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
