I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
