I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
