and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
