just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
